Chapter 1 - Changes

I had said it out loud.  The words came easily, they just slipped out of my open mouth and into the air around me.  

“I can’t marry you tomorrow, Edward”

All the reasons why flowed after that first sentence and assaulted my true love like a battering ram, his beautiful forehead furrowed further with each sentence, his serene composure breaking into shards of pain.  He had come into the room so excited, almost dancing with each stride.  Proud as punch, he had handed me a long velvet box and said cheerfully “Something blue!”.

I had opened the box and stared at the choker long and hard, each sapphire cut to capture the light and encased in platinum, intricately woven into the most romantic swirls and flowers.  

My hand snapped the box shut, I looked up at my beloved and I said “I can’t marry you tomorrow Edward”.  I shocked even myself with that declaration, suddenly realising that this was so wrong.  My soul needed to just take a long breath and a long think.  I wanted to be with Edward for all time, that had not changed, but over the last few days, seeing Charlie accept the marriage, making that sacrifice for me, because I threatened to run away, had hurt me more than Edward could have known.  I could not reconcile myself with hurting him in the worst way, by dying.  The plan could not go ahead, I loved my father too much.  Loving Edward would mean that I would become like him, immortal, undead, a vampire.  However my love for my father meant that would have to wait a while longer.  It was hypocrisy, I knew that, Edward was the one who had wanted to delay my change.  He had tried everything to put me off becoming a vampire.  I had to admit, it was a combination of lust and my need for proof of his love, that had made me force his hand.  I had survived losing Edward once, I would not survive it again and somewhere agreeing to marry him seemed to prevent that possibility.  That, I admitted to myself sadly, was also a lot behind my desire to hasten my immortality.  If I was no longer vulnerable, he would not feel the guilt that had forced him to leave before.  He had agreed to  change me, and to consummate our love, only if I would marry him.  In his eyes, he wanted to give himself the best possible run in his strange life, and not aggravate any God who may eventually judge him.  So I had agreed, terrified that another day would change his mind, the thoughts of losing him creating a fear that over rode any other emotion, even my usually strong sense of right and wrong, and my compassion.

We sat for a long time.  Then he lifted his eyes to mine, those perfect pools of honey, and we looked at each others faces for a long time.  His eyes flitted about my features, from my eyes to my cheekbones, along the line of my jaw, to my mouth.  He leaned in and kissed me, a calm gentle kiss.  I heard a whispered moan escape him.

Then he spoke, “Bella”.

With that one word, my name, I knew he said a thousand things.  I knew he accepted what I had said.  I knew he would not leave me, or scold me.  He was my soul mate and so he would take my explanations and make them work for him.

“I want you so much Edward” I gushed, “Its just Charlie, I can’t ruin his life, he doesn’t deserve it”

He nodded slowly.

I continued, “Think about it, the worst possible scenario is losing your child, isn’t it? That is what parents dread the most, and here am I setting Charlie and Renee up to have that happen, not even for real, but I’m letting them think that happened and letting them suffer, all so I can live forever with you...”

He looked up at me, “You don’t want to change?” He seemed hopeful.

“No no,”I brought him back to earth, “I want to be immortal, Edward, I will be immortal, but I have been so selfish, so quick to think about myself, this whole time, but the other night, seeing Charlies face when I threatened to leave unless he agreed to the marriage, it just hurt me so much, he was cornered.  I should have said it to you then, but I wanted it so much, its only now I had the... I dunno, the... whatever it is you need to do the right thing.”

“The bravery, the strength” Edward took my hand, his cold porcelain fingers sweeping over my engagement ring, “Bella, this is fine by me, my one love, its what I wanted from the start”

“The Volturi?” I was fearful then, knowing that my days were numbered as far as the Volturi were concerned.

“Don’t worry Bella,” Edward shook his head, “they don’t see time as you do, even as I do, they live in a vampire world, so a day is like a second and time passing means little.  They will check on you, but it will not be soon”

“Okay” I believed him.  

A sudden ray of sunshine threw itself across the room and Edwards skin glittered.  He got down on his knee, as he had before, and looked up at me with such love that my heart felt it would burst, “Bella Swan?” he said dramatically.

“Yes Edward?”

“Will you NOT marry me?”

“I will NOT” I said, and whooped with joy as he flicked me over his shoulder and jumped from the room down into the hallway in less than one second.  Just in time to hear a wail from the kitchen as Alices beautiful vision of our perfect wedding, which she had spared no cost to prepare, stuttered and dissolved in her minds eye.  

She marched out, “I can’t believe this!” She wagged her finger at Edward and I, “You have to get married tomorrow!”

The rest of the family came into view, Carlisle looked concerned, “You’re calling off the wedding?” He looked at me, “is everything okay Bella?”

“I’m fine” I nodded, “We just feel that we need, well Charlie needs, a bit more time, before I leave.  We need authenticity, for his sake, and my mothers sake”

Edward continued, “To lose an only child, Carlisle...”

Esme smiled widely, “Oh I think you are both doing the right thing” She came forward to embrace us, “I had worried for Charlie and Renee, both such kind people, they would be so lost without you Bella”

“We are getting married though” I stressed, “maybe secretly, maybe a way off, but we will marry of course, we just need to do this the right way”

Alice tutted sulkly as she flounced off, with Jasper following her.  I detected a hint of an amused smile on his lips and he looked back and winked at Edward.  Edward laughed, “I don’t need to know that Jasper!” he called after him. “He likes her when she is angry” he whispered in my ear, and I suppressed a laugh.  

Later, after I had eaten and the Cullens had watched me do so, myself and Edward excused ourselves from their company and headed upstairs to his room.

I sat on the floor.

He stood, which was not unusual for Edward, Vampires didn’t need to rest like humans did, and standing was as easy as sitting for them.  When he was comfortable, and no humans were around bar me, Edward would relax and therefore stand  like a statue.  I stretched across the floor and linked my arms around his legs, “Edward” I said gently, “Thank you... you are amazing”

He hunkered down to my level, “No Bella,” He said cupping my face in his hands, “You are.  You are the most amazing person in the world, you put everyone before yourself, even at a crucial point when you are to have everything you want, you still think of others.”

I shook the compliment away.  He leaned in and kissed me, his familiar marble lips anxious for mine, his hands taking mine and placing them around his neck, his hair falling to caress my cheek like a butterfly.  He lifted me to standing, and as if I weighed nothing, Edward began to waltz me around the floor, humming such a beautiful melody into my ear as he did.  I relaxed into his arms, placed my head against his shoulder and let his song take me away.