Chapter 3 - Voice

Four months later

When the phone in my pocket began to buzz, I ignored it.  I was waiting patiently for Alice to come out of the changing room, doing everything I could to make up for canceling the wedding of the century, and so found myself in Gucci, patiently waiting to tell her how fabulous her tenth outfit was.  She didn’t need me here, and we both knew it, Alice never tried anything on, being the perfect size 4 and looking stunning in anything she wore.  She was punishing me, we both knew it, and I was happy to be put through my paces.  The last week had been a roller-coaster, Charlie couldn’t hide his relief when we announced the wedding off, and Renee may have joked about keeping the receipt for her outfit but she too sounded relieved.  We had gone down to see them, both in Charlies, and explained that we had realised it was a mistake to rush, that we were just staying engaged now, until both of us were sure of the direction we were taking and that it was the same one.  They both shook Edwards hand and hummed and hawed about being disappointed to have to wait to call him ‘Son’ but we both heard a collective whoop of joy from them as we left.

Finally Alice emerged from the changing room, wearing a pale grey chiffon skirt, that swayed off her tiny hips to the knee, and a wine wrap top which set off her pale skin perfectly, her tiny feet were encased in silver sandals that wrapped around her foot and up her shin like a ballerinas pumps.  

“Wow!” I said truthfully, “that is so gorgeous, you look great”

She waved my compliment away, but I saw her smirk.  She turned, her pixie eyes glinting mischievously.

“Okay Bella!” She said, “I can't punish you anymore, I miss you too much, I need my girlfriend back!”  She cuddled into me with her tiny icy frame.  Not used to such tactility I almost patted her on the head, but caught myself in time and touched her shoulder instead.

“Thank you Alice” I said, “I don’t deserve it.”

She smiled.

We drove back in no time, the yellow Porsche passing other cars as if they were all stationary.  I had enjoyed the few hours with Alice but I was eager to see Edward, we had planned to go for dinner, ordering small so I could eat his too, and chat about our future and what we could plan to save heart ache for everyone.  As we drove, I checked my phone, one voicemail but with the roar of the engine I replaced the phone in my pocket, resolving to listen to it later.  It was most likely Angela, I thought.

He was waiting when we got to the drive, standing smiling in the rain, and without a blink he swooped me up to his bedroom and we sat on the long couch by the window, looking out into the green wet forest.

We lay there for a while, and then Edward suggested I get changed for dinner.  I thought about doing that right in front of him, momentarily hoping I’d lure him into bed, but then I thought better of it, I didn’t want my first time with him to be something he’d regret even in the smallest way.  I could see his point, if the truth be known it had crossed my mind a few times that sleeping with Edward wouldn’t be... easy... in fact it could be down right difficult.  His skin was so cold, and had little resistance, but my love for him always won out in that argument.   I didn’t care, I wouldn’t care if I was bruised and broken, it would be worth it to show Edward my love.  Telling him just didn’t seem enough.

However I also knew that should he hurt me, even a small bit, he would be so tortured I wouldn’t be able to bear it.  So I decided for now to go along with his wishes and hold myself together.

I went into the other room, and changed into the new jeans and top I’d procured in town with Alice.  Midway, I remembered the voicemail, and quickly dialed the number throwing the phone onto the chair, loudspeaker activated.  I had one leg in my jeans and was just placing my foot into the second leg when I heard Jacobs voice.  Being me, I promptly started hopping forward in panic and then I fell over.  I grabbed the phone and pressed 5 to replay the message.

My heart thudding nearly drowned out his husky voice.  I imagined him standing at the telephone machine.  Was he disappointed when I didn’t answer?  

“Uh.. Bella, its Jake.  I’m calling just to... uh... sorry its 4-ish, I don’t have a watch obviously, but I think its 4 or so... uh Bella I’m just calling to say I’m sorry for not making the wedding, hope that all went well and all, and you know... I’m away now, but uh I think I’ll be coming home soon-ish, so I didn’t want to... well I hoped to maybe catch up... you know all the other stuff, well I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear I’m kinda over it... Uh this has been so hard for everyone, I never wanted to put Edward on the line the way I did, he is a good guy, I know I wouldn’t have been so good about... everything...I wasn’t thinking straight and now I can see how silly it all was, a crush...  Anyways I just wanted to call you and warn you that you may not have got rid of me so soon, I’m sure we’ll run into each other anyway, I hope we do cos I miss you... Okay well thats all... Bella, okay um... Bye...”

I listened for ages after the message had ended.  Working it all out in my head.  That was Jacob, he was coming home, my chest rose and fell but I didn’t feel like I was breathing.  He seemed fine, in good form even.  He hadn’t heard about the wedding, he thought we were married, maybe even that I was a vampire, and yet he still wanted to get in touch.  It was all so positive, I felt elated and yet slightly disturbed.  All the anguish I had felt for hurting Jacob, for choosing Edward, all that pain seemed slightly for nothing when he seemed so fine, so normal with me.  I may have even felt slightly put out, that his love for me was so easily forgotten, with a few weeks away.  I had torn myself in two, Jacob had pushed me to my limits of emotion, and now he was “kinda over it”.  I was irritated with the dismissive words he used, “Crush” - if I’d known that I would have hit him with a bat instead of my fist.  All that trouble, for nothing.

I sorted myself out, clothes wise, and headed to the stairwell where Edward was leaning on the banister, looking perfect as usual in a pair of dark denim jeans and a dark grey jumper that fitted him perfectly, accentuating his broad shoulders.  I couldn’t resist him, he was divine.

We left and went to the same little place we’d technically had our first date.  We ordered two small meals, of which I managed one and half, and discussed our plans.

“We could go abroad to college” I offered, pushing the rest of Edwards meal around the plate,”Tell them we were in Paris or London, and go to some remote cottage in Ireland or somewhere, I could go through everything there, on our own and stay there until I had the self control issue sorted.  Then we could actually go to whatever university we had said we were going to, and just live there for a while before hitting Forks again”

“They’ll notice when we don’t age, Bella...” 

“We could get in a car crash, and be really badly burnt and get some new technology plastic surgery to explain our continued freshness”

Edward looked impressed, “Could work! I mean Charlie and Renee probably only have another... maybe forty years, we could just bluff that until they....”he trailed off when he saw my face, “Oh sorry Bella, I was forgetting who they are... but its a good idea, we should talk to Carlisle about that”

“We could go abroad, somewhere rainy, Ireland or Scotland, and use video call every now and again, take photos of ourselves and send them home etc, keep in touch while we’re there, while I’m learning, adjusting...”

“Good idea too”

“We could say we were signing up for one of those volunteer programs, you know helping build schools in Africa or somewhere, you can’t get home, or get to technology there, so it wouldn’t be weird when we were not in touch for a couple of months”

Edward took my hand, “It will be fine, no matter what way this happens we won’t let Charlie, and Renee, get hurt, don’t worry about that”

“Thanks Edward,” I smiled at him for a minute, then as casually as I could, “Jacob called today by the way”

I let him listen to the message himself, which he did twice, and then he sat back with a puzzled expression.

“Puppy love!” He said sarcastically, shaking his head, “I gave him more credit than he was due, cheeky pup nearly drove me to madness with his games, and now he just shakes it off like it was a game”

“Yeh” I said, probably more soulfully than I meant to, Edward was curious immediately.

“You’re disappointed Bella?”

“No you moron” I spoke truthfully, “I feel like you do, a whole show for nothing, we could have broken up over his games, no-one knew you would be so generous of heart, least of all me, and he let me risk losing my true love for some silly crush” 

“He probably didn’t realise it was a crush” Edward thought out loud, “he is young... I wonder...”

“What?” I pressed

“What has made him realise it was just a crush?”

I sat upright in my chair, “Do you... do you think Jacob... you think he has imprinted?”

“Maybe? Who can tell with that dog?”

I flinched, despite everything I didn’t like when Edward was spiteful, “Edward....”

“Sorry, who can tell with that boy? I hope you’re right though, get him off our backs anyway, silly pup”